It’s 9:50pm on a Thursday evening. Charis just fell asleep a little over 30 minutes ago. I have stickers stuck to my shirt for who knows how long, my eyes are full of tears. Not due to the stickers. Not due to the fact I just spent half my evening trying to console Charis. But My eyes have been weeping over the fact that my two sweet baby girls are growing too quickly. While trying to console Charis, I don’t have much to do but to contemplate life. I think that the Lord gives me these moments of silence (sort of) to just sit and think. Well I sat and thought for a bit after I first scrolled through facebook and pinterest who knows how many times and there was really nothing else for me to do on my iphone but to scroll through all of the photos on there. As I scanned them one by one from end to beginning and back to the end again. I wondered how it is that God designed our minds to somehow forget certain things.
For example when I look at Ava right now I see this:
These pictures are about a year apart! Oh my goodness!
So I look at how my kids are now and how they were a year ago and I don’t picture them that way at all. It reminds me of “forgetting what is behind and straining towards what is ahead.” -Phil 3:13. I guess it’s how God made us. He doesn’t want us to sit and stay in the past. To wallow if you will on what has happened. Oh do I like to do that. But he wants us to press in and finish well. I don’t think we forget the memories or anything, but sometimes I wish so badly me and my kids would just stay put. Not grow anymore. Not get gray hair. Not send my kids off to college (I know I know that’s a long ways out). But although I like that idea, sometimes… Steve reminded me that I really wouldn’t like changing diapers for the rest of my life. True that.
So what do we do with this overwhelming emotion. Well we are talking about my overwhelming emotions. The fact I just looked at 2 years worth of photos of my kids and at the end I burst into tears. But seriously? What do you do?
Well I just rejoice in the Lord. That’s all I can do at this point in my evening. I rejoice in the fact that I see my sweet little ladies each morning when they rise. I rejoice in the fact that I witness their joys and their tears. I Rejoice over the instances when my patience is wearing thin and I can hear the Lord telling me to finish well and not throw in the towel and get all mad. I rejoice in the fact that I get to clean up their sweet messy faces now, because later they will not let me, nor will I want to. I rejoice over the fact that I don’t leave my kids with anyone else all day long and have to pick them up after a very hectic day of work. I rejoice in the fact that I got to hold Charis just one more time tonight before I laid her in her crib. I rejoice that my girls share a room for now and they absolutely love it, even when I sometimes wish they didn’t. I will choose to rejoice when all I want to do it wallow in the past. I will forget what is behind me and press on towards what is ahead, and I will rejoice and I will finish well, by the Grace of God.
Oh but they are just so sweet here. Rejoice!